Avante Alegria!

Sorry, this entry is only available in Portuguese-Brazilian. You may want to see this post through Google Translator.

The right apprroach to the opposite sex has never been all that easy to deal with. Many of us find it difficult to effectively protect our hearts when someone comes into our lives and draws our attention. I did not find a specific subject for you girls, but I’ve found it to be a good idea to share here with you about a very useful mechanism in my life to know almost instantly if a girl is or not my potencial future wife, which I call  The Qualification System™.

My Qualification System™ is a funny and serious  way that I created to separate all the girls I know into categories. If you’re a girl, and I know you, you certainly have been passed through it (no exceptions!). It operates 24 hours a day and starts in my mind every time I meet a girl.

About 3 years ago I was easily romantically attracted to any girl that showed me some noble character attributes. It happened three times in fact. It was a difficult time. I did not have any clear mechanism for qualification, then any girl with some noble qualities that appeared to me  entered in my heart, and I had to deal with that, which is much more difficult than if I had not allower her to enter it in the first place. My heart, instead of being busy worried about whether or not a girl is my wife, it is free to love the Lord our G-d only, without any distraction, until the day He tells me who she is. Isn’t it amazing?!

Thus, this mechanism exists to tell me three things: 1) if my heart is trusting in G-d, 2) who will NOT be my future wife and 3) Who CAN be my future wife.

1) Am I trusting in G-d with ALL my heart?

The word “All” is always very powerful. It brings an idea of wholeness, deepness and excellence, and therefore, cannot be taken lightly. So, to understand this issue well, let me define what is the dating and what the court.

To make a long story short, dating is any romantic relationship whose partner is chosen initially and/or exclusively by you. Genesis 6 tells us how destructive is the dating.

It happened, as men began to multiply on the earth, and had daughters, the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they took them wives of all which they chose – Genesis 6: 1-2

Besides the fact that the primarily focus of  dating is the physical appearance (”the daughters were beautiful”), Genesis 6 speaks of a society where people choose for themselves their romantic partners. It is a process that starts first in his heart. First you pick the person, not their parents or any other adviser in your life. It is a matter of opening your heart to that person before any advice.

On the other hand, courtship is a romantic relationship initiated and supervised along with the parents. It is not the father that chooses the partner, it is a partnership between him and his daughter to seek together if it is really the will of Gd unite the two in holy matrimony.

When I feel that God may have marriage in mind with a particular girl, I will not try to win her heart directly, I will not access her heart in the first place, we will not “choose each other” but rather go to her father before any romantic interaction at the level of heart. In the dating model, first we fall in love, and we would first “be completely sure” that I am her future for then going to her father and ask for his advice. Have you got the difference?

If I’ve never talked to your father objectively about you, it means I really have no potential romantic interest to you. But why I shared all this? It’s because if I notice that in my heart, I “chose” someone, it means I’m not trusting in G-d with ALL my heart that He will bring the right person at the right time and under the right circumstances. It’s a heart issue that is going on and I must deal with it as soon as possible with my Father who knows my heart.

So if a girl shows up and gets my attention, my Qualification System instantly tells me that I should not “choose her” and work to make her fall in love with me without first of all consult her father. That way I have the chance of asking  my Heavenly Father to expose my own heart so I can see my true motivations, and then decide if I should go or not go to her father, or just forget it. It’ll  depend on what my Heavenly Father tells me.

2) who will NOT be my future wife

This is the funniest part of the whole thing. It’s really very simple. If a girl “chooses” me and falls in love with me directly, she is disqualified as a potential future spouse. Simple like that! She has just proved to me that she doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to do) the right thing, and was self-disqualified as a potencial future wife. No matter who she is, no matter the other qualities she may have, she just jump in the category “I am his future wife.”

Another example. When an immodestly dressed girl came to me, she has been disqualified in less than one second. I will not need to spend time asking G-d if she is or not my future wife. My system will do it for me automatically! She is not. Period.

If a girl wants to spend much time alone with me, talking about deep things of her heart, sharing her heart so easily (rather than share it with her dad!), she has already proven that she is not able to be a good wife and has been self-disqualified. These women will remain forever in that category, and I won’t have to spend any energy concerning about them (”is she the one? is she not?”), which makes my life much easier if I had to check one by one with G-d.

If a girl is trying to do much physical contact with me, she is disqualified. It is not good for man to touch a woman who is not married with. Hugs, kisses on the cheek or hand touching are acts that G-d intended to stimulate sexual feelings, therefore, should be avoided by anyone who you are not married with. Period.

There are several other things that automatically disqualify a girl, but I will not share them here, otherwise I would have to write a book! You can also add other parameters in order to filter those who will not be your future spouse (specific physical parameters for instance).

Attention. I’m not saying here that I should never talk to these girls again. Rather, many of these girls I am very friend and I talk with them normally as anyone else. The point here is that my heart will not get busy all the time asking itself “Is she the one?” because she is already properly in its category.

3) Who can be my future wife

Here comes all the girls who were not disqualified. Here there may be just a few girls to worry about. The point now is that now that I have “to worry” just about these girls, not all the other that comes to me. But just because they are here does not mean that I should start something romantic with them. Because they were not disqualified, I should approach them with even more respect and purity.

I’m not looking for a wife now, simply because I believe that some things need to achieve before you start looking for my dear future wife. It’s all a matter of heart.If a girl is threatening my purity and trusting in G-d, I have to declare war against my heart and become G-d’s ally to find out what is the issue and fix the issue in it so that my heart finds G-d’s protection.

Blessings to you,
Leandro

Sorry, this entry is only available in Portuguese-Brazilian. You may want to see this post through Google Translator.

Sorry, this entry is only available in Portuguese-Brazilian. You may want to see this post through Google Translator.

Sorry, this entry is only available in Portuguese-Brazilian. You may want to see this post through Google Translator.

The following article by Nancy Leigh DeMoss is excerpted from the transcript of a May 2005 Revive Our Hearts radio program.

Before we get into the specifics of what’s right to wear, what’s wrong to wear, what looks modest, what looks immodest, we need to lay a foundation. I’ll tell you the starting place for all of us has to be answering this question: “Why do I live”?

What is my purpose in life? You know the answer: to glorify God. “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” That’s a foundational principle in life and we should come to the place where we can say, “My purpose in life is to please God rather than to please others.”

We have to come to the place where we recognize that our ultimate purpose, our supreme primary purpose for living is to make God happy.

[And] that affects everything about our lives, including this matter of clothing. It affects our motives. Why am I wearing this? Why do I like this outfit? Why do I like this look? Is it because I want to fit in? Is it because I want to be accepted; I want to be cool; I want to be popular?

You see, if I determine to live my life for the glory of God—that will affect why I wear what I wear. It will make me think about what I wear, not just go to the store and pick up whatever is the current style.

The Principle of Ownership

The principle of ownership means that my body does not belong to me. It’s not mine. Now, in the last thirty years we’ve had a huge emphasis on a woman’s right to her own body. It’s your body, you do what you want to with it.

Some girls have taken that philosophy to the extreme and have abused their bodies with eating disorders, with substance abuse, with drugs and alcohol. It’s my body; I can wreck it. I can trash it. You know, how sad to think how cheaply some girls consider their bodies.

But to recognize the principle of ownership is to recognize that my body is not my own. It’s not mine; it doesn’t belong to me (1 Cor. 6:19).

You know what, it doesn’t make God happy when you and I take these bodies He’s given us and give them to somebody that they don’t belong to. An immodestly dressed woman is giving away something that doesn’t belong to her. This principle of ownership means that you and I are not free to dress in any way we please.

We’re accountable to God. He owns us, and if you’re not a child of God that’s a principle that you’re not going to like. In fact, you won’t like any of these principles if you don’t belong to the Lord.

But if you are a child of God, you will find great comfort and security in the fact that you do belong to God, that your body is His. It means that you can trust that God will take good care of His property. It also means that you have a responsibility to take care of it.

The Principle of Lordship

Jesus is Lord over all. Ownership, then Lordship. Romans 14:9 tells us: “For this very reason Christ died and returned to life so that He might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.”

You know what it means when we say that Jesus is Lord. It means that God has the right to regulate every area of our lives, including what we wear.

So I want to ask you, “Who runs your life? Who’s your Lord?” Most of us would say, “Jesus is my Lord.” But when it comes down to what you wear, who’s your Lord?

Are you governed by fashion? Are you governed by the culture? Are you governed by your friends’ opinions or are you governed by Christ and His Word? Who is your Lord? You see, you and I are not to be enslaved to anything or anyone other than Jesus—to have any Lord other than Him is to be a slave.

The women who have adopted the world’s philosophy of fashion and clothing are not free. You’ll never be truly free until you’re free to do what God wants you to do regardless of what anything or anyone else dictates to you.

Closing Challenge

Could I ask, based on these principles, “Are you willing to make whatever changes may be necessary in any area of your life, including your clothing, in order to live out those principles, to live under the ownership of God, under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and as a citizen of the kingdom of heaven?”

In the second of a series of messages on the topic of marriage, John Piper turned his attention, briefly, to the issue of clothing, for men and women.

The sermon was delivered this past Sunday, providential timing for all of us as we prepare for the release of the Modesty Survey results. What is more exciting, Piper hinted at the possibility of a full message on the topic of clothing in the near future.

Take a minute or two to read and digest what Piper says in the following excerpt from his sermon manuscript. You can read, watch or listen to the sermon here.

Then God Clothed Them
By John Piper © DesiringGod.org

What does it mean that God clothed [Adam and Eve]? Was he confirming their hypocrisy? Was he aiding and abetting their pretense? If they were naked and shame-free before the Fall, and if they put on clothes to minimize their shame after the Fall, then what is God doing by clothing them even better than they can clothe themselves? I think the answer is that he is doing something with a negative message and something with a positive message.

Negatively, he is saying: You are not what you were and you are not what you ought to be. The chasm between what you are and what you ought to be is huge. Covering yourself with clothing is a right response to this—not to conceal it, but to confess it. Henceforth, you shall wear clothing, not to conceal that you are not what you should be, but to confess that you are not what you should be. One practical implication of this is that public nudity today is not a return to innocence but rebellion against moral reality. God ordains clothes to witness to the glory we have lost, and it is added rebellion to throw them off.

And for those who rebel in the other direction and make clothes themselves a means of power and prestige and attention getting, God’s answer is not a return to nudity but a return to simplicity (1 Timothy 2:9-10). Clothes are not meant to make people think about what is under them. Clothes are meant to direct attention to what is not under them: Arms and hands that serve others in the name of Christ, “beautiful” feet that carry the gospel to where it is needed, and the brightness of a face that has beheld the glory of Jesus.